Common sense isn't.
By SAM VENABLE, firstname.lastname@example.org
October 17, 2003
Knoxville, my hometown:
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Web site has a link called "ugavent," upon which readers can list comments about the Georgia Bulldogs. After last Saturday's 41-14 thrashing of the Volunteers, it contains some classics.
Even though it hurts to lose, you gotta laugh and tip your hat to authors of witticisms like:
"Is it true that there was a rash of hunting accidents in Tennessee Sunday because many were ashamed to wear the orange vests?"
"Ever heard 'Rocky Top' played backwards? Well, here's the first verse: 'Woof, woof, woof'."
"Phil Fulmer is twice the coach Mark Richt is. That is, until he steps off the scale."
Oh, well. As fans in Volville and Chicago always say, "Wait'll next year."
"We were driving along, listening to talk radio," the guy told me. "One of the speakers was talking about the importance of using a condom. My son asked, 'Daddy, what's a condom?'
"I stammered around for a minute and finally said, 'Well, it's something you can wear on your body to prevent disease.' My son thought for a moment and said, 'Can I get one for my nose so I won't catch a cold?' "
I understand dear ol' dad was trying so hard to stifle a laugh that he dang-nigh ran off the road.
In response to my recent column about the perplexing "Aggressive Driving Enforcement Campaign" on Interstate 40-75, Ernie Fredregill commented about markers saying "Slower Traffic Keep Right."
"This is impossible to do," he told me. "There is no slow traffic in Knoxville, just fast, faster and go-like-hell."
And Edmund Nephew of Oak Ridge is still scratching his head about the signs along Pellissippi Parkway which proclaim, "Fine For Picking Flowers."
As opposed to mediocre?
"History Hikes of the Smokies" by Michal Strutin is just what the name implies - a rundown of 20 trails (10 in Tennessee, 10 in North Carolina) with particular historical significance. This is a soup-to-nuts look at each locale including length, gradient profile, historical photos and points of interest.
A must-have for Smokies addicts, it retails for $12.95 and is available from the Great Smoky Mountains Association 865-436-0120 or www.SmokiesStore.org.
"Building Time at Brushy" is the autobiography of Stonney Ray Lane, former warden of Brushy Mountain State Prison. Among the many tales he tells is the 54-hour-long escape of one of Brushy's most newsworthy inmates, James Earl Ray, assassin of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
The book costs $20 and is available from Mr. K's Used Books and CDs in Oak Ridge or www.1stbooks.com.
Sam Venable's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. He may be reached at 865-342-6272 or email@example.com. His latest book, "You Gotta Laugh to Keep from Cryin': A Baby Boomer Contemplates Life Beyond Fifty," is available at most bookstores and online from the News Sentinel.
|Quote of the moment|
|Lo, when two dogs are fighting in the streets, With a third dog one of the two dogs meets; With angry teeth he bites him to the bone, And this dog smarts for what that dog has done.|
|~ Henry Fielding, Tom Thumb the Great. Act i. Sc. 6. ~|
Common sense isn't.
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